Farewell Address

So, I was asked to do a farewell address at the girls’ school. I agreed to do it if, and only if, Mr Lee would translate it live for me. He said yes, so I said yes.
I went to find him a few minutes before the assembly, to see if he wanted to run through it with me so that he could look up or ask about anything he didn’t understand right away.
Guess what! He said he wouldn’t translate it for me. He said that if I spoke slowly and used easy English that they would have no problems.
You know what? That’s bullshit. They understand about 12% of what I say in class, and that is a generous estimate. I was a little angry, but not nearly as angry as Jessie was when I told her about it later. So I would be giving an address to an auditorium who had little or no idea what I was saying.
Since there’s only so many ways to say things, and I had already chosen pretty simple things to say, I just stuck with what I had prepared (earlier this morning).
I was first.
I got introduced, and then passed along an assembly line of teachers who each took me by the hand and guided me to the next teacher, who would take my other hand and then pass me on.
As soon as the girls heard “Matthew-sonsangnim” they erupted. I am not exaggerating, and there is no way that anyone who has not been here could ever understand just how little it takes to whip Korean girls into a cheering frenzy. But they were going nuts!
They finally settled down, and I started in on my address. Note the high amounts of repetition and almost Koreanized English:
“I can’t believe how quickly my year*has gone by! This year has been so fast! I feel like my first class here* was yesterday! Yesterday I said hello, I think, and today I am saying goodbye. That’s why in English* we say ‘Time flies when you are having fun’.And it has been fun*! So many of my best memories have been here with the students* of Yeongam Girls’ Middle School. I have enjoyed my time with all of you and I really appreciated, I am really thankful*, and I thank you* for trying to speak to me – in English!In the future, when you are ‘English Experts’ I hope that you will visit me. I will show you around my part of Canada [I gesture a small area]. You have my e-mail, just ‘drop me a line’. God luck to all of you in four futures. Thank you* so much, thanks* for the memories.”
The stars (*) indicate where I had to pause to wait for the re-erupting applause to die down. The single quotes show where I had to make quote-y fingers to let the girls know that I was using an idiom. Haha.
Then, I left the stage. I was nervous, so I forgot to bow. And since no-one really understood what was happening, I have a feeling that I was not given an exit cue, because when I just left the stage, everyone started laughing. Well, great.

Afterwards, Mr Lee informed me that Sukkyeong had called and said that she wanted to bring me to the boys’ school so that the other teachers could say goodbye. Apparently they had not known that Thursday was my last day. It was really nice that they wanted to say goodbye, but it was honestly a little insulting that I apparently register so little that no-one thought it was strange that the students had thrown me a farewell party when apparently no-one knew that I was leaving.
Anyways, let’s focus on the good.
She came to the girls’ school at eleven to pick me up, which was a long time considering that I had nothing to do there, and I was finished my speech at 10:10. Even the internet was down, so there was literally nothing.
She finally came, and we headed out to the boys’ school.
I was ushered into the office and told to sit down on the chair next to the VP’s desk. I sat there, awkwardly, for about five minutes as the other teachers filed in. Finally, they did, and the VP stood up, and said something. They all stood up, so I did too. I was just standing up, when I saw Sukkyeong running over gesturing madly that I should stand up, as if I would miss the “subtle” cue of EVERYONE ELSE standing up, remain seated and offend everyone.
The VP spoke for a while, and I heard a few words that I recognized. I’ll give you the run down, with the Korean represented by “k”:
“KKKKKKkkkKKkkkKkKkkkkKKKKKKkKKKKKkkkkkKK Matthew KKkkkKkKkKKKkkk Canada KKK Good KKKKkkkKK Students KkKkkkKkk school KKkKkKkkkkKkk teacher KKkkkKkKKkkkKKKKKkkKkKKKKk goodbye kKKkKkkKk Canada KKkKkKKKKkKkKk Matthew KkkK teacher!”
Then everyone clapped, so I joined in too, and I smiled.
Then everyone just stared at me.
Then it got awkward.
Then Sukkyeong leaned forward.
“He wants you to give a short address to the teachers…”
Well great.
I don’t know if addresses are randomly sprung on Koreans all the time, or if they are in Canada too, and I have just never been in the position of someone who is expected to give them so often.
I dove in:
“Well… Thank you very much for being so kind to me. You have always made me feel very welcome here at Yeongam Chung Hakkyo.”
…
“That’s all, thank you!”
Then they laughed.
Then they gave me a gift. I delicately tore off the wrapping, because I was unsure of the decoration protocol here. I was apparently being too careful, because they joined in to help. I reached in the box, and saw this beautiful wooden bow, and I was touched that they would get me such a nice thing to keep all of my Korean souvenirs in. What a thoughtful gift!
And then I turned it over and saw the hole that you pull the Kleenex out of.
Yep, it was a Kleenex box cover.
I don’t care though, it will be used to store all of my Korean souvenirs, and the ones in the middle will just get a little dusty, I guess.
There was also a nice framed set of Korean masks, which was awesome. I wanted to get one before I left, so it was pretty great that they bought me one.
Then I said some more awkward goodbyes, which were even more awkward, because I had said what I had thought were my last goodbyes two days ago.
And then I walked home.

Man, is it hot.