PICTURES!

This is at the Yeongam festival. You can't see, but there are ridiculous pyrotechnics going on in the background behind a girl singing Karaoke. Fabulously strange.

This is one of the groups that mobbed us at the festival. These girls are from my elementary school, and were very happy to catch their foreign teacher at the festival eating meat on a stick.

This is the view from our window of the fireworks. It was really funny, because every time one exploded, it was immediately followed by the sound of several "bee-beeps" from car alarms being reset, and the occasional "Bwerp, bwerp" of an alarm going off, which would then be turned off by someone leaning out their window with the key shooter thing.

Here I am on Hallowe'en eve cleaning out the pumpkin. Note the scandalously long hair. The seeds fried up to snacky perfection.

Here's our jack-o-lantern out on the front steps of our building. Right above, Jessie's blurb. That blurb got us free apple flavoured candies.

Here is a super-spooky close-up of our jack-o-lantern.
WooooooOOOOooo!

Redemption! (Happy Hallowe'en!)

So, Korea is once again in the good books.

Good work, Korea.

Today was a really good day. Really good. Stunning. I was at the girls' school. My classes were good, but not great. The lessons were not quite as smooth as planned, but I thought of a brilliant way to get everything back on track next week.
I had my first real nap at school. I felt I had to, just to fit in. Everyone else was doing it. And for some reason, last night, I actually set the goal of staying up to midnight. Why? Because I am an idiot. I'm not sure why.
I also found out that I have a random holiday tomorrow. Just because. The girls have another festival, and I have no classes as a result of it. Excellent. Another whole day of watching MacGyver.
My teacher's workshop was great. It went really quickly, and what I prepared turned out to be useless, but we made plans for next week's session to be out on Wolchu mountain, and one of the is taking me out to lunch before hand, which is a pretty neat perk. It'll be fun to have our class outside, just walking around. It's fun, and low pressure, because they'll learn more just talking than through anything I can plan.
Anyways, on the ride home, my coteacher told me that he and the other english teacher and the vice-principal had been talking about my "technique" and decided I was the best foreign teacher they have ever had. That was quite a boost!
Jessie and I had pizza tonight. That's nothing new, we are now experts at ordering "pepperoni, no corn". I ran into some students on the way, and they were really loud as per usual, but they were really nice. We met at the pizza place, which was really nice. Somehow, meeting Jessie as she got off the bus at a pizza place made the town seem so much more like home, and so much more comfortable.
We put our Jack-o-lantern out on the front steps of our apartment building with a short blurb that Jessie prepared about Hallowe'en and her coteacher translated. It has gone over pretty well, and some kids who read the blurb actually brought us a whole box of candy! It was pretty unexpected, and really brightened my day, and Jessie's too, I expect!
That's all for now. Some pictures will come up in about half an hour.
Happy Hallowe'en everyone!

Lost rant (1 0 0 1 1 1 0)

There once was a legend that was told to me when I was but a wee lad. A legend of a rant to fierce and fiery that it made the mighty Zeus cry salty tears into his instant coffee. But the rant was lost...
It told the tale of a horrible Friday, of a guy, just a regular guy, in Korea, and horrible abuses he was made to suffer one Friday, just a regular Friday, at an elementary school (just a regular elementary school). Of children so loud and prone to throwing things that this "regular guy" was himself thrown into a pit of brooding so deep, producing a rant so venomous that it melted the internet connection and was lost forever.
If you close your eyes and listen to the wind, you can still hear it's gentle fierceness being whisked away into cyberspace...
1...0...0...1...1...1...0...

Friday was horrible. I was almost ready to cash out.
BUT! I wrote it down, felt better, and the internet did it's magical losing thing before I could publish it and offend millions.
BUT! I solved the problem of the horrible harassment and yelling at the elementary school at lunch. The key is to eat with the special-ed kids. It was great. They were quiet, they were polite, and they smiled and were genuinely friendly. It was a great relief after a really bad morning, and nice before heading back into it for the afternoon.
The problem is that I stopped feeling like a person... it's hard to describe, but often times we aren't really seen as people here, but some kind of non-thinking plaything to the kids, and some sort of novelty item that has no idea what is going on around it to adults. But we do have ideas. Sometimes.
Friday got better though. I performed at the girls' school talent show. I didn't get a chance to learn anything new from your suggestions, unfortunately, because I was sick. I just went with the tried and true "Such a Simple Way" and "Happy Together" combo. It went very well, I am happy to report.
Later that night, after a delicious dinner of garlic smashed potatoes and wine-fried chicken, we got a call from a teacher at the girls' high school (Sylvia) who invited us out to meet the other foreigner in town, who we didn't even know existed! He teaches a few towns over. He's 38, has been teaching for 13 years, and is married to a Korean woman he met while teaching english in Italy. Very "worldly". We met at a restaurant on the other side of town (in a yet unexplored area) and he was pretty cool. I spotted the foreigner before I even saw his face, because he was wearing a wool sweater. A kindred spirit in the country of tracksuits.
He was pretty cool. His little boy was the cutest little boy ever. Recovering from a cold and having already hit the cooking wine, I launched into the angry rant that had been saved from the internet. May not have been the best first impression. But, oh well. We can't help but hit it off being three white peas in this huge pod. His wife was not home, which was too bad, but he seemed very nice, and hopefully we will get the chance to meet again.
Saturady was very relaxed. A lot of sitting around. Some bananas and melted chocolate bars. Deliciousness. Some walking out to the town's festival and getting mobbed by my students, which was more fun with Jessie there. We ate meat on a stick, and took a picture of some of my elementary students.
Today, I was still feeling a little stir-crazy, so I decided to head out to Kwangju again, which seemed like apretty cool place during the illicit Wednesday adventure.
That of course was only after we carved up a jack-o-lantern and I fried up the seeds for later (secret) eating. Jessie stayed home and I headed for the bus station with a very important goal in mind. Find a jean jacket.
Why a jean jacket? I'm not sure. It was a bit of a whim, but it seems necessary. My jacket is very nice, but not so good for wearing with jeans. It's a khakis or better jacket, fine for school, if I dress up for a day (I work in the country) but not so good to just wear to the store with runners and torn jeans. So... the search was on.
I went to the big department store right beside the bus station first, but that was a no-go. It was SO trendy and expensive. It would have been a great place to go if I wanted a four-hundred dollar Polo Ralph Lauren Jean Jacket with a fur-lined collar. But...
Oh Value Village, you have ruined me! You've turned me into a person who refuses to pay more than eight dollars for a winter jacket!
The one saving grace was that the expensive store had a Starbucks, so I had my first latte in two months. Well, almost three. They were a treat even in Canada.
I went to the info booth in the bus station, explained that I was cheap, and got directions to an outlet mall. Still way too expensive. But I found my new favourite place on earth. A store called "Basic House". They have a "line" of clothes there called "Experienced" that all say Hendrix on them somewhere, and are "inspired" by Woodstock fashions. They have the greatest sweaters in the world. No jean jackets, but I did manage to find a very nice and manly sweater-coat. They had some jackets too, but unfortunately I am a little too barrel shaped to fit into Korean jackets. Unless that puckered open between buttons look comes back.
Somehow I managed to only buy the sweater coat, even though they had several sweaters that nearly made me pee my pants. I don't know how to describe the relief. I am a sweater guy, in the same way that some people are a "butt-guy" or a "breast-guy". It sounds sick and twisted, and it is. But I love sweaters. Especially ones whose colours can be described as "burnt orange". And this was the first store I have even seen here that had sweaters.

I have a problem.

So, no jean jacket. But I managed to find peanut butter, barbecue sauce, and candles for the jack-o-lantern, which were my other "quest-items". So, go me.
I wound up sitting in the back seat of the bus on the way home, which was really cool, because it is elevated above the rest of the bus, and it bounces like crazy. It was like a really cheap amusement park. On the way out of Kwangju, two of my girls' school students got on and sat beside me, and tried to talk to me.
"Very sing guitar!!!" they yelled, which I hope meant they liked my performance at the talent show. They tried to talk more, but they wound up having to text or phone a friend for help with almost every second word. I eventually got out of it that they went to a movie, a romantic comedy, and had done some shopping. They were surprised that I went shopping without Jessica, even she was "Berry Beautipull".

So it was a good weekend. I think it is time to call it quits for today. Bye everyone!

I almost forgot!

I almost forgot to mention the craziest part of my day.
At lunch, we had red soup. Red usually means hot. As per usual, there were big hunks of meat floating around in it. I don't know what it is, but Koreans in general have no idea how to cut up meat, preferring to cut randomly through bones rather than along them, meaning that every bite will involve biting bones, and if you're lucky, little bone chips that get mashed into your food leaving you with the choice to either swallow bone chips or spit everything out.
Anyways, the meat today was dog.
Wierd, eh?
It kind of tastes like the cutest bunnies.
"Play Club" is practicing next door right now. Unlike Jessie's group, they are doing a play in Korean, and they seem to want to be there. They are having a lot of fun by the sounds of it. I'm very excited to see them perform next week.
Cutest bunnies was definitely a good comparison.
Unfortunately, unlike Mr. Lee led me to believe, I felt no burning in my belly. Only delicious cuteness.

This is my life

Kim Man-woo just left the english lab. Finally. You may remember, he's the young lad who won't leave me alone. Who ushers me everywhere.
After lunch, he charged in here, and came to a stop once again just a little bit too close. And just stood there. He didn't seem to want to talk, so I tried to make myself as boring as possible so he would leave. So, I googled people I used to know in France.
But he didn't leave. He just watched, apparently really interested. So I figured I might as well try to be interesting, and I looked up some pictures of North Bay to show him. Then, I realized just how boring North Bay is. Seriously. Boring.
Then he went to the board. "Teacher sorry". "It's okay". But maybe it wasn't. Maybe he farted. Otherwise I have no idea why he keeps apologizing. So, it's okay for now.
He wrote some gibberish, and then "Sonata", then a car and a school. I figured that meant he rode to school in a Hyundai Sonata. Neat-o. Then we pointed at stuff and he said the colours, and I helped him when he needed it.
He went back to the board, wrote "Stuck on you" in Korean letters, but so that it was the english pronunciation (스듞언유), and then asked me if I liked TV. When I was answering, he started unbuttoning his jacket. He's always really (really) liked me, but the chivalry of him removing his jacket and attempting to drape it over my shoulders still really surprised me. He just left, and I'm a little relieved. He seemed just a little bit too close to rubbing my shoulders or trying to hug me (again).
The TV thing is really common here, and has become a bit of a game for Jessie and I. We always watch for "러서배거스" (Rassa Begassa, or "Las Vegas") or "하우스" (Howoossa, or "House"), which are the two best ways to spend an evening in Yeongam. Also, it's fun to try to pick out movies, but then every tenth movie or so will be completely different in Korean. Like "Monster in Law" is being released here as "Perfect Wedding", which will probably show up on TV as "Purpectuh Wedding". As you can see, we need new games.
Today was pretty brutal. It was my first day back after being sick, so I figured I would take it easy. Real easy. I had one class that was a week behind, so they got last week's lesson, but the other classes just got shown pictures from home and heard me ranting about Canada.
First class (the one that was a week behind): I arrived with a prepared powerpoint slideshow on movie genres, and on nouns and adjectives to use when talking about movies (ie, sci-fi had "future, space, aliens, technology, neat"). I turned on the computer, and tried to put in the CD-rom, and one of the students yelled "No CD!". Apparently, that classes CD-rom didn't work. So, back to the English Lab, where there is no assigned seating, and it is basically the wildest place on earth. I don't want to teach in the english lab anymore. Ever. We got through it, they semi-payed attention, I took away some stuff. Great.
Second class: I arrived with a powerpoint presentation ready to go featuring pictures from Canada and stories about my family and friends (the students now know all of your dirty secrets). I got it all loaded up, only to find out that the computer was not hooked up to the TV. While some students struggled to fix it, I regaled them with my tales of being sick, because I figured that that was good vocab to know. Didn't go over well at all. After about ten minutes, there was no success hooking the TV up, so it was back to the english lab. Great.
Third class: I decided to not chance losing a bunch of class time again, so we just started in the english lab. It was going really well. I was getting responses and feedback on the pictures, and not just the usual "Good good" that means "I don't understand, but I'll say an english word so that you'll go away". Then a warning flashed on the screen "Check Air flow", and the projector promptly turned off. Great.

Moral: Hangman is the single greatest thing to ever have happened to the language teaching profession. Use it to fill time. A lot of time. If the students get bored, they start guessing letters they know are wrong to kill the guy. Either way, they're speaking, and at least they're learning how NOT to spell words.

Oh well... next week it's back to the movies, and they should like that.

The Surreal Life

So, I've been sick.
I have a two day work week now. I stayed home Monday and Tuesday, and yesterday was one of those fluke holidays they told us would happen. My school was having a picnic. I chose not to attend. Had things been different, say, I taught a school where kids actually cared about/already knew some english, I would have gone, but as it is I would have been a little leech attached to my coteacher, constantly asking "What's happening now?" or "What did he say?".
Anyways, I was on the mend, and extremely stir-crazy from two solid days housebound. Actually three, I don't think I left on Sunday either. I had the day off, so I could leave the apartment and be free of guilt, and not sneak around. I was sitting at the computer when there was a knock at the door...
It was Jessie! Apparently, on the way to the bus stop, to go to her home school, not to teach, but simply to occupy space, she had figured "Hey, I live with a guy who has been sick for two days and has a day off. This would be a good day to play hookey. " And it was. Pretty believable that she would have caught what I had, especially since I was also "staying home". Cue the "Chukka chukka... BOW BOW" and the shots of blue sky with minimal fluffy white clouds. All we had to do was convince Cameron to let us use his dad's car, and we would be set for a Ferris Beuller-style day off.
(And I know where you thought the "Chukka Chukka... BOW BOW" was going, but rest assured, it's not that kind of blog)
Anyways, my getting out of the house plans had included a day trip to Mokpo, but that was out now, because we almost always run into Jessie's students in Mokpo. We decided on Kwangju, which is the capital of our province, and the fifth largest city in Korea.
A one-hour bus ride later, we were there, sitting in a Baskin Robbins. I decided to go for an Asian twist and have "Green Tea" ice cream, Jessie went with the cheesecake, which may have been a better idea considering how hard cheese is to get here. Delicious start.
Next stop, the department store that is spitting distance from the bus station. Real classy.
So, a real easy solution to unemployment presents itself. Giving everyone crappy retail jobs. Seriously, staff outnumbered patrons by about four-to-one. If there was a shelf, there was a minimum-wage worker attending to it. It was a sea of uniforms. Apparently, it's not meant to be high-pressured, but compared to Sears, it was the bottom of the ocean. You could tilt your head at something, and twelve people would descend on you to ask you something. What that was, I'm not sure, I still know no Korean. We left the department store as quickly as we could. We were lucky not to get the bends.
We picked a direction to walk in, and walked. I was so glad to be out of the apartment I didn't care. I would have walked anywhere. I was ready.
As we crossed the parking lot entrance, a strange man in a red usher's uniform began to perform a perfect mime for us. It was pretty entertaining. Another woman, in an identical uniform, was speaking to us through a microphone. It was amazing! What was happening? I watched, mesmerised by their wide-brimmed red hats. And then I realized... they're directing traffic. It was the craziest thing, it actually looked like the guy was dancing. He couldn't just point, he had to spin a little too, and the woman, in between thanking every car that drove in, would bow to welcome it. It is crazy here. Absloutely crazy. I can't even believe it.
The reason we chose to go to Kwangju is that there was a design festival happening. It's not really my kind of thing, but it sounded interesting enough, and non-Korean language-based enough to get my interest. When we got there, we looked at some photo displays, and then bought tickets. We followed the map to where restaurants should be, only to find a construction site. We went back, to find the line we had ignored had just ballooned to about 300 middle school students. We got in line with them. They laughed. We wondered why. Then an english interpreter came and rescued us from the line, which was apparently just for the school trip. Great.
Anyways, I guess for a design exhibition, it was pretty standard. Crazy computer-kitchens, couches made out of balloons, clothes out of a 1950s sci-fi movie... and for some reason, clothes that lit up when you hugged someone. Very practical indeed. Another nice touch was the tree skeleton with plastic globes containing mp3 players hanging from the branches.
It was all very neat, but you had to feel for the kids on the school trip. You couldn't touch anything, or try anything. Jessie was particularly annoyed by that. Apparently, they only decided to design one of each thing, and couldn't take a chance on anything happening to it. One very very cool thing though, is that Jessie got some very good tea prepared for her by hand by a woman in traditional garb. It was very neat. Afterwards, we went to the restaurant in the basement, and felt horribly underdressed. Jeans and sweatshirts in a white-table-cloth "fusion" restaurant, whatever that means. It was pretty good though. After, we were asked to fill out a survey about the design fair with our interpreter. That was awkward. I wasn't too impressed with it, because some of the stuff was really boring, or just impractically eye-catching... and the cool stuff couldn't be touched. So that made filling out a survey through an interpreter pretty awkward.
Anyways, then we went home, which was good, because my recovering body had had enough.
That's all for now.
More news later.

Good News!

So, apparently I sound chronically depressed in this blog thing.
The truth is, the only time I usually get to write in it is when I am sitting around anyways. In other words, I am brooding, or sulking, or contemplating, and an idea worth writing about in my blog comes up.
Well not today! Today is good news!
I'm sick. Not horribly sick, but I have horrible, random symptoms that defy explanation. I have cold spells (probably a passing fever), coughing fits, very sore throat, stuffed nose. The most random and difficult to understand is the burping/hiccuping.
I'm fine if I just sit around and don't move much. But if I get up, roll over, or start doing something, I will be hit by a fit of hiccuping, with each hiccup followed by at least one burp. I don't know why. I really don't understand what could be causing this.
All the hiccuping has led to a headache, and a stiff neck from tensing my way through them.
But now, the good news.
My coteacher is awesome. I was just woken up from a nap when he came by to check on me. He brought me some bean and someting else cocktail in tetrapacks. Jessie says it tastes like soy milk, but I don't know, my nose is really plugged. He offered to take me to a doctor, but I thought I should wait until tomorrow, because I'd rather wait than take a chance on a doctor here, because I hear they may over-prescribe... I don't know.
Anyways, he is super-nice. I like him a lot.

See, it's not all depressing. w00t!

Holy Shit! I'm in Korea!

Yep, I had another "moment" today. I was going to the grocery store. I don't know what I was thinking about, but it was very "in the style of Canada", and then I looked up to see nothing but Koreans. Then it hit me. "Holy Shit!", I thought, "I'm in Korea!". It's so strange that it still hasn't really hit me all the way. I still think to myself sometimes "I should stop at the Timmy's on Counter Street before I head back to rez". Like I'm just in some new weird area North of Princess I've never noticed before.

And how sad is it that my Canadian point of view is referenced to Victoria Hall? Oh man, Queen's you have ruined me for life.

Jessie and I are both a bit sick. Sore throats, lethargy... basically, it just means MORE napping, so no real change.

At the grocery store, I saw two more non-Koreans. Having become very accustomed to Korean customs and culture, I naturally did the Korean thing and stared, slack-jawed. They wound up behind me in line, and they turned out to be from Uzbekistan! How random is that? I guess pretty random, but not random that we would meet here, since it's just natural to seek out other foreigners when you are here. One of them tried to speak Korean to me, but I don't know any, so I said "English only!", and then he spoke English to me! How bad is it that I've been here for almost two months now, and I don't know any Korean? There are people who know multiple languages out there, and my lazy ass only knows passable french... and "thank you" in Korean.

Jessie is in quite a pickle at school. Her co-teacher asked her a few weeks ago to lead an "English Club" to do a short play. She was pretty excited about it, because it had the potential to be a LOT of fun. Anyways, Jessie chose the play "The grasshopper and the ants", which would have been really good. Anyways, practices kept getting postponed, or moved, for other things, like those pesky mid-terms. Well, about a week or two ago, Jessie was told that the play would be performed THIS FRIDAY! They still hadn't practiced, and Jessie's coteacher (who reminds me of "Senior Cardgage" from www.homestarrunner.com) told her that she had to change the play. Her coteacher got here the script last week. The week before that performance.
No costumes ready, no set, no kids who know their lines, no practice yet.
And I haven't even mentioned the kids in the "Club". They do not want to be in the club. The "fun" thing about extra-curriculars in Korea is that they can be assigned. These kids don't want to be there! The new play was chosen because it would be "funny", and therefore more fun to be in, and have more jokes that would be funny to people who couldn't understand the dialogue. But... it's longer, and Jessie can't exactly communicate physical humour easily. "Okay, Man-woo, you go over here, and trip over Kim-bop, and fall into the (something funny). It'll be hilarious!" "..." "Oh wait, you don't understand english". And yes, Kim-bop is actually a food. I just don't know Korean names. I only know food words.
Anyways, this whole english club thing is a bad idea. Doing a play is supposed to be a way to make enlgish fun, and possibly convey that it has a use in the real world. But forcing kids into a play will not be fun. And forcing kids to perform a play they don't know or understand will not be fun. In fact, it will be horrible and embarassing, and probably won't make any kids want to join next year. And it sure won't Jessie any more fun to her students, as it is apparently "her" idea, even though she's being forced to do it.
They had their first practice on Friday. Apparently, there was some debate about a scene in which a woman who is made a slave (a boy playing a girl, the non-verbal jokes become clear...)is leaving the evil king, and the boy/woman kicked the king ("Good Riddance"). Well, that apparently turned into a full-blown fistfight, and one boy was taken to hospital, and the other had gross welts on his neck.
What a great club!
Well, back to solving online mysteries. Can we escape this room? Only time, and online walkthroughs will tell.

BAD Afternoon

So, my last class was the worst.
The teacher left. This is one class where I actually need need NEED someone there to discipline. The class is ridiculous, and I need the teacher there to yell at them in Korean, because disciplining Koreans in English is the equivalent of trying to beat someone to submission with a wiffle bat.
They were so bad!!! So bad. I had to spend about fifteen minutes of the class just taking things away from the students. One of the students, one who is good and participates, suggested I use the little bat at the front of the class. Not a bad idea, actually. But I can't cross that line. Although today, I came very close to threatening them with it. I told them that I didn't want to use that, even though they seemed to make me want to. I think that that translated to them as "I am going to beat you real soon", which works for me too.
I had to move kids to places where they would hopefully be less disruptive, and I actually had to make two kids sit at the front of the room and face the board. And, apparently, there are handicapped kids in that class, which no-one told me about, so I probably should not have disciplined them the same way... but I did, because no-one bothered to tell me. That's nice, when it takes a Grade six student spinning their finger by their temple to communicate it to me. Thank you, Korea, for your compassion and sensitivity. I too, now appear sensitive to my students. Thank you!!!!
Well, at the end of class, I made the class recite "I'm sorry I was playing in class" a few times, and each individual student had to say it if they had had something taken away from them. It was so brutal. Then I said "I'm sorry today's class was not fun, but when you are bad, I don't have time for games." That, of course was bull, there were no more games planned, only work, but the word "games" seemed to resonate with them.
Anyways, after class, I went to the office. My lessons are planned for next week, and I had no more work for today. So I settled in with a book. I always feel so bad at work when I just read, even when all of my work is done. And then, the office staff had snacks delivered, and offered me some, which I turned down, I was feeling a little ill after my horrible class.
Then they talked about me for about an hour and a half! I heard my name and "Canada", and saw numerous gestures in my directions followed by laughter. It is so annoying. As though because I don't know what they're saying, I won't understand that it is about me. There's this amazing sense here that I am some sort of zoo animal. They always are amazed when I respond, and the pointing and talking about me is really starting to get to me.
ARGH!
So, I have had a bad afternoon. I think it is time for a shower, and a nap.
Have a good one, everybody.

Shut the hell up!!!

I am teaching at the grade school. It is basically the most insane place on the whole earth.
I had a class today with no coteacher. This would normally be a bit of a shock, but at this school, my coteachers don't do anythig anyways. They basically just sit there and watch me do stuff. So it wasn't too intimidating. Today's lesson was "Can you help me, please?" The first things I did was have the sort out pictures from Canada by the title. They like this, but not a lot. Pictures went over better before. But it's good, because it's fun for me. Then, we do a dialogue... bla bla bla, they learn nothing, because my lessons are weeks behind where the class is at. pointless.
My ears are currently ringing. I eat lunch with the kids, because it is more interesting than eating with the staff. The staff don't know english, or won't try, and I sure don't know Korean. But 10-year old kids are dying to try out the three phrases they know on me.
My ears are ringing because they aren't content to just talk to me, they have to yell to me. And not just in my direction, but preferrably, directly in my ear. They also like to massage me as they speak, which is a little weird. Although, there is very little tension in my arms now.
The best part of lunch is that they all try to insult their friends, btu they have no grasp of the difference between you, me, he, and she. So, they point at their friend and say "I am a pig" or "You am a monkey!". And then I say "You're a pig?!", or "I am a monkey?!?!" hold my hand to my chest and look hurt. And then, they all kill themselves laughing. Directly into my ear.
Then, they all want my signature. I usually refuse, but today, I decided to have some fun. So I signed "This is not my signature". Then, they came back, and said "Write your name!". So I wrote "your name". This went on for a while. When I was in the process of writing "Ahhh, aah, aaa.." on the sheet (by request, of course), one of them totally rubbed my ass. Not accidentally, either. There was intent, and that intent was apparently to squeeze and discern detail. A LOT of detail.
Now, I am back in the office, and my ears are in shock because of the relative quiet.
I also got told that my name was beautiful, which rocks.

And that is all for now.

Festival

There are boys in the next room practicing a play for festival next week.

I asked them if it was for festival, and one guy said "extra", and patted himself on his chest. I'm not sure what that means, but I think that the most likely explanation is that they don't know the word "festival".

I also don't know if he means that he is an extra in the play, because right after that he said "Actor, great actor" and pointed at another guy. So is he a bad actor then? Is he an extra in the play, or is the play and extra-curricular activity?

Such are the tiny mysteries that prevent me from getting enough sleep.

Good news:
I finally got paid by the MNR, or, more accurately, the pay they gave me FINALLY went into the right bank account. Take that, repo man! So long, credit card debt!
I also got my statement for the month's business trips. When I travel to other schools, which I do three days a week, I get a whopping 10 000 won a trip. That's almost $200 extra for the month's pay going in on Wednesday.

The weather here was crazy today. It was so foggy out that I was wet when I got ot school even though there was NO rain. And COLD! I could see my breath. But now, it's so warm, I'll wind up carrying my sweater home.

Still waiting on song suggestions for festival. Send 'em on over.

Rough week

Anyways, Monday was ROUGH. I arrived at the girl's school all peppy and ready to go, and worked solid for the first hour that I was there. Then, it came time for class, and no-one was there! No-one! Then, I started to hear crying. Then, thirty girls came in, about half of them bawling, and the other half in obvious distress about something. My co-teacher told me that the students were upset because one of the teachers had died that morning. I didn't know what to do! I spent the first five minutes handing out tissues, and then my coteacher told me that I should just continue with whatever I had planned for the day. As if I could do that! We went really easy for the first while, doing an activity that had taken other classes about ten minutes in about twenty-five, and then I just showed them pictures from Canada, which, luckily, my parents had sent the night before.
Tuesday was very very easy. They had midterms at the girls' school, so I was just left in the english lab to my own devices all day. What an opportunity for productivity! I can practice my Korean, plan lessons more in advance, correspond with people. This is going to be great! Of course... I COULD just play online games all day.
You'd be surprised how entertaining a game that involves throwing a guy at a target can be.
I got to go home early, and I started this entry. It is now Thursday, and I am just finishing it. It has been a bad week for work.
Yesterday I had my first lesson bomb since I got here. I prepares a lesson on movies, because on my first day, they had all asked me about movies. So I figured, arm them with the words they need to talk about movies, and they'll try to talk to me more! I even did a survey last week to try and make sure that I wouldn't go too far over their heads. Well, it didn't work. It was like talking to a wall yesterday, for all they understood. I had to totally revamp the lesson between classes, and I now have it in a form that will work really well at the girls' school. Kind of sucks for the boys' school though. The problem was I introduced way too many words at once. I hadn't meant to, but it turns out they knew less than they had let on in their surveys, probably because they used dictionaries to fill them out. Well, I've decided that I'm going to try to have slide-show presentations to accimpany all lessons, so I can point to things. It shouldn't be hard to do, I only teach one lesson a week!
It's getting to be nice here. I've settled into a bit more of a routine, which is good and bad, but mostly just comfortable. I've been tired lately, which is not so good, and I'm back drinking coffee, although it's instant cappuccino mix, so I'm not even sure if it has caffeine, or just ridiculous amounts of sugar.
I think I have mentioned before the kid who ushers me everywhere and treats me like a king. Well, it's really starting to rub me the wrong way. Now, in the middle of class, he will stand up and "present" my chair to me. Or just stand next to me in the staff room for three or four minutes. I actually timed. Just stand there, JUST inside my personal space boundary... showing me his thundercats watch (at least, that is what it looks like) again and again. Or, when the modd takes him, reaching over what I am doing to pass me my water from where I had put it to get it out of the way. It's hard, because he's really nice, but I wnat him to leave me alone approximately 34% more. That's not much right? Just let me do some work. Or write e-mails. Or get back to my online game...
One more thing: I'm playing at the school's festival. (he just came in! the kid! He stood DIRECTLY next to me for about three minutes. I entertained him by naming things on the desk) I'm not sure what to play. They only listen to ballads here... and I feel like I should play something that is definitively Canadian. If you have any suggestions, send them to me!

That's all for now... more this afternoon. only one more class today, then the afternoon off!

Birthday, Weekend, Canadians, Contract

It is cool in the apartment. Or maybe I have a fever. I don't feel sick, just really damned cold! ANyways, here's some recent happenings.
There's a huge contradiction here in terms of health and cleanliness. They have sprays to kill the germs that get on your fruit by washing them with water. They do everything here because "it's healthy", from mountain climbing to justifying their continued production of kimch'i. And in spite of this health consciousness, they have no issues with dumping a half-finished drink back into a communal bowl, and drinking from/pouring you drinks from any used glass that may be within reach. It seems a little backwards is all...
This past Friday was Jessie's birthday. We had a big breakfast and dinner for the occasion, and Jessie sounded like she had a pretty good day at school. While sitting in the english lab (probably working in the fume hood) she heard a dog barking or whining... she though it must be in a class, so went to investigate. She found the source of the noise to be in the broom closet of the boy's bathroom! One of the boys had found a puppy and decided to keep it in there until the end of the day! Jessie took it to the english lab and it sounds like she had a pretty good time with it. So good, that we almost wound up the new owners of the puppy. It would have been neat to have a dog... but so much work!
I bought Jessie flowers, which is the source of another good story... or lack of story. I left school a little early and ran downtown to get flowers before my students got out. Unfortunately, it took just a little too long, so when I turned to leave the flower shop, I was faced with a street full of my students from the girls' school. Now, Jessie will vouch for me not making this up, but they go CRAZY when they see me. They actually screamed the other day. Not just one, but a whole group. Screaming together. You can't imagine how awkward that is when you are just walking around shopping downtown. I made a hasty retreat to the back of the flower shop, and decided to see if I could wait it out. The first wave of girls passed, and I bolted. It sounds sad, but I did not even want to imagine the mayhem that would break out if they saw me with a bouquet of flowers. PANDEMONIUM would erupt. I actually ran accross the street and hid behind a car. I tried to do it inconspicuously, but I'm pretty sure the flower shop lady caught on to what was happening, because she was smirking a bit. I made it home unnoticed, and it was great.
We went to Mokpo on Saturday, and met up with some other Canadians. I had never met any of them, which made things a little awkward, but we had fun anyways. It was a larger group than expected, because the people we were visiting had more guests I think than they had expected. It was fun! We went out to a bar called "WaBar", and got to drink Canadian beer (Molson Canadian) and I actually had Guinness, which was an unexpected surprise. Unfortunately, it was an expensive unexpected surprise. Then, onto the Karaoke bar, which got mixed reviews. There was a Korean girl with us who would skip other people's songs to get to hers, so the vibe was very bad. The two highlights of the night were just hanging out pre-bar with other Canadians, venting and exchanging, and then at "WaBar" hearing one of the other teachers telling us about "training" his Korean girlfriend... if you need more blank-filling, here's a quote "... and then I just text her "EXCITED" and she'll come over". Anyways, it was a lot of fun, and it was nice to meet some other Canadians as well.
We came back on Sunday. Jessie's coteacher wanted to meet with us before we left, but, Korean are super hard to meet with in any regard, and plans tend to change around you with NO notice at all, sometimes even without your knowledge. Jessie's coteacher wanted to meet us because there was a big mix-up with our contract, in that they put the wrong dates on it, so we were "working" on days when we were still in Canada. Anyways, Jessie signed a new one, and she had to sign a third, because she the correct signed date on it, as in "October 13", or whenever she actually signed it, rather than on the day we would have signed it in Toronto. Anyways... it didn't seem right that we should have to backdate a contract. It seems, as Jessie pointed out to me, that this is less about fixing the problem than covering up that a mistake was made in the first place. I don't know, I was really uncomfortable with faking the date, but it's hard to debate here. I think a lot of foreigners probably wind up doing stuff just because they don't know how to explain that they don't want to. Kind of like the early morning phone calls to Mrs. Kang!

That's all for now!

MORE Pictures

This is Jessie and I with her coteacher and her family. Her little boys are insane, and they run around like crazy. When she can see Jessie and I exchanging "Can you believe this?" looks, she just says "They're crazy!". This is from the day that we climbed Mount Yudal in Mokpo.













This is Jessie and me at the changing of the guard at the Royal Palace Museum in Seoul. Note the totally taped on moustache. This was on Chusok, so everyone was in traditional garb, because then admission was free. Somehow, we got in free too!










This picture is also from the National Palace Museum in Seoul. On the right is the outer perimeter of the palace, and inside were dozens of buildings.

As I was saying, everyone was in their traditional clothing for the weekend. Jessie took this picture (as with most of them!), and it is awesome. All the little kids were dressed like this, and it was beautiful.















On the left is Haeyoon, and on the right, her friend from Japan. This is the student I ran into from my English conversation group at Queen's! One of three Koreans I knew before coming here. I was glad I ran into her, she is one of the nicest people I have ever met, and one of the reasons why I chose to come here anyways!






This little sculpture was given to us by a couple of students from the girls' school where I teach. They brought this before I ever even taught there! I guess that was a good sign. They knocked on our door, laughed like crazy, and asked us for our address and signature (I think it was for a scavenger hunt), and then came back about fifteen minutes later with this for us. It's still in good shape, on a shelf in the living room.






This is one of our hamsters. It is the nicer of the two, and the only one that will let us pick him/her up (I don't care to examine... it's weird I know...). They fight all the time. Maybe we'll buy a fish tank to keep them in, so they have more room to not be in eachothers' faces all the time. But isn't it cute? Holy crap! I love it!




More pictures will come later, and there are more if you scroll down. I've been prolific, so scroll down and don't miss anything! And look at the pictures! You can click on them to see them bigger!

The Globe and Mail article

The following is a link to a very interesting article in The Globe and Mail that a lot of people have been referring me to. I've also attached a comment that I posted on the website later that day.

Basically, there's been a round-up of teachers who are working illegally in Korea using forged visas and degrees to get jobs here. There's a lot of debate going about whether the article demonizes Koreans, or whether the response from other legally-working teachers in Korea has been too harsh. I definitely am one in the second group, as I have no sympathy who cries when they are caught for breaking the law.

If you do decide to read the article, I should point out: at no point have Jessie or I ever been called "white devils" or treated poorly. The people have been extremely patient with us, considering we came to their country knowing absolutely nothing of their language, and now rely on their kindness to get by day-to-day. Aside from being made to stay in Yeongam with the expectation that we would illegally tutor outside school, everything is peachy. But that is hardly their fault, the last english teacher tutored illegally, so why would they expect different of us?

Here's the link: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/ArticleNews/TPStory/LAC/20051010/
KOREA10/TPInternational/?query=korea

Here is the comment I posted after reading the article and stewing for a while.

If a Canadian is forging documents in order to get a work visa, or working illegally in Korea without a work visa at all, is that not the real issue? These people are breaking immigration law and staying in another country to work with children. Ignoring any other allegations of drug use or trafficking, this is a pretty serious offense. It's pretty easy to say that Koreans are being xenophobic and over-reacting, but what if we imagined the reverse situation? If a Korean person had fraudulent documents in order to work as a teacher in Canada would we not demand that they be held accountable for that illegal act? If a person comes to Korea with the intention breaking the law, they should realize the consequences. Is it being inhumane to arrest and deport people for breaking the law? There's no report of any serious abuses in this article. Putting too many people into a cell is not nice, but it is hardly extreme. If people were caught working in schools with fraudulent visas in Canada, would they be put up in the Royal York before being deported? No. My girlfriend and I are Canadians who have been made to feel very welcome as legal teachers in Korea, and we work in a very small farming community where we are two of the very few Westerners to have ever lived. We both worked very hard to make sure that all our documentation was proper, so this is a situation that we have a hard time sympathizing with. Canadians who defraud the system make it harder for honest people to find good jobs with decent employers here. It seems likely that the xenophobia is being contributed to by people like these, who forge their documents in order to work illegally in Korea.

Hope your days are going well and are arrest-free. Mine is. BECAUSE I WORK LEGALLY.

So, today was... interesting.
For the first time I taught entirely without a coteacher, which was not as bad as it could have been. The girls didn't understand why they were doing what they were doing (they were "at a theatre" trying to find my friends), but they understood that it was their job to read descriptions of people and to find them on a picture that I provided. Maybe they didn't understand that the group in the picture were at a theatre, but they understood what mattered, and they practiced describing people a little more.
My knees are killing me. I bought really good shoes before coming here, because for some stupid reason I didn't realize I would be expected to take my shoes off everytime I entered a building, as has been the case. This includes the school. So, I have to wear slippers.
Now, don't have big feet by North American standards, but here, I have HUGE feet. So big I had to go to another town just to find slippers. I could not wear the school's guest slippers any longer, my toes hung over at one end, and my heel over the other. I found slippers, and bought them. The bad thing is that when you are so desperate that you have to buy immediately when you find your size, you can't discriminate for quality. I have really bad feet, with fallen arches and all, and I get shin splints when I run without supports in my shoes. Standing all day in poor quality slippers means that my knees are killing me by the end of the day.
Now I have sore knees and great shoes that are collecting dust in favour of the shoes that easily slip on and off, which I invariably wear every day. So today was interesting. As a final excerise in describing people, I had the class describe me. This went over really well in the boy's school, with boys speculating about third arms under my shirt and heart-covered thongs beneath my pants. It was really fun, and they had me laughing quite a lot. Today, at the girl's school, I tried again, and had similarly funny results.
Apparently, I have small ears. I know I don't have huge ears, but I would lean towards big before small. Also, medium sized "sexy" lips. And in three consecutive classes, thick, thin and bushy eyebrows. And my "whiskers" were a big hit, and they got to learn a new word (sideburns). I also kept a running tally on the side board of what they had described by drawing everything as they mentioned it ("You are a man" being the obvious exception). When the last class had mentioned only that I wore glasses after a few minutes of coaxing, I took off my glasses to imitate the disembodied, floating pair I had sketched on the board. Well, they clapped and applauded like I had just announced I was Jesus. Apparently, my Clark Kent to Superman transformation had just been solidified, ensuring that I would be forever be immortalized in Korean notebooks through the repetitive doodling of "I (heart) Matthew Teacher".
Also, that last class is my slowest. It is my fourth of four on Tuesdays, and probably the lowest level in effort, if not actually in ability. It takes a lot to coax them to do anything, so I took whatever I could get from descriptions, and filled in the blanks myself rather than trying to get them to self-correct. And then, in the middle of class, I was seized with a fit of the giggles. No reason, I just wanted to laugh so much. I was in a state of euphoria for about ten minutes, and I actually had to bite my hand at one point to stop laughing, because I was terrified that one of the girls would think I was laughing at their answers (which would not be unheard of).
Anyways, it was okay, because it meant that my description now included "I am smiling".
On Tuesdays, some girls in the music program here practice on their instruments in the broadcast room, which has been declared my "office" when I am at the girl's school. Today, I am really glad that I have been allowed to use my coteacher's desk and computer, because last week, my ears were ringing, and I had the worst headache when I finally left at the end of the day. Of course it hardly compares to the violin practice at the grade school two Fridays ago. Oh man. It was as though they were just bowing right across a nerve. Skereee!

Later (8:53 pm)

When I got home, Jessie was in the kitchen with a woman who appeared to be cleaning our kitchen vent. Jessie signalled that she had no idea what was going on. The woman began starting to talk to me in Korean. no response... more Korean... no response.
Best course of action? Call my coteacher!
Anyways, we asked her to find out if this woman was from the building or if she was a saleswoman. Anyways, they yelled at eachother on the phone (people talk really loudly here) for about five minutes, and then the woman just hung up and started asking for money. She didn't even give me a chance to talk to my coteacher!
Anyways, I called her back, and she didn't even know! So it was totally useless. Anyways, she had already taken apart our vent... we wound up paying. It was pretty disappointing, and I felt really taken... but it seemed like there was no option.
Lesson learned: No-one else gets into the apartment unless accompanied by the building manager.
I felt like crap, so I took a nap. Also, my knees hurt like crazy, and I felt sick.
Now I feel better. And I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich, and everything is good now.
Pictures are coming!

Thanksgiving Holiday

So, today is a holiday in Canada. Thanksgiving Monday. That would be pretty nice.

I am not bitter about not having the day off because we have had so many Korean holidays to enjoy. Well okay, two. One for Korean Thanksgiving, and one for "Foundation Day" or something, I'm still not sure, that celebrates a legend about the origins of Korea involving a birth, a bear, and a hunter, I think. I don't know, but the birth was Korea. Somehow.

But I came very very close to being bitter a few minutes ago when I found out that YESTERDAY was a national holiday, and that is the days had fallen differently, it could have resulted in a work-free day. Oh well, I reminded myself, you've had a lot of holidays already.

Jessie and I took a wonderful walk last night at sunset, which started as a walk for groceries, but wound up taking us in exactly the opposite direction. We wound up in some farmer's fields, and we witnessed a beautiful pink sunset from a hill top through a break in the trees where the path went down the hill. Our building is on the east side of the hill, which means beautiful sunlit morning coffees, and our well-times trip down the other side of the hill behind the building meant we were in the right place at the right time for the sunset. It was really amazing, with more mountains in the foreground.

Anyways, we wound up getting really lost, and it was a little scary, because after the sunset, there was a lot of darkness... and there were big spiders everywhere. I'm not usually squeamish about spiders... but what if they were poisonous. One was as big as the spiders from arachnophobia, which freaked me out a lot. And another was about the size of the last digit of my baby finger, and neon green. craziness!

So we stole some parsimmons from the orchard we wound up in, which is sure to make them all the more delicious.

Anyways, last morning I got to talk to a bunch of people from my mom's family, which was pretty great, since I didn't get to see them for Thanksgiving. My cousin Nathania is going to have a byb, which is the big news right now, and is pretty awesome! I'll have a new second cousin (or something) when I get home!

More to come later.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone over there in Canada!

I hope everyone is with their families/friends and is getting full of awesome food. I just had cream of corn soup. It was better than I had expected, but no match for the usual Thanksgiving dishes...

In honour of the season, I will compose some lists:

Things I am thankful for in Korea:
1. There is no enforcement of the garbage bag policy. You see, in Korea, you have to buy certain garbage bags to have your trash picked up. We don't know where to buy them, and thankfully, we haven't gotten in trouble for throwing our shopping bags filled with trash into the disposal area.
2. The school board bought us an iron. Seriously, no-one will ever understand how worried I was about this. Even I don't on most days.
3. Cheese at the E-mart.
4. Shower curtains.
5. Coteachers who speak English.
6. Mountain views and parks.
7. The fruit truck.
8. Very, very cheap public transit.
9. Becoming a millionaire. Even if it is in won...
10. Jessie, here with me in Korea. I'd probably be insane if she wasn't here, and we couldn't rant and vent to eachother. Plus, I'd probably be insane if she wasn't here anyways...

Things Canadians should be thankful for, and probably take for granted (ignoring family, because that's the one even the dumb cousin gets right at the FAMILY dinner):
1. Sane drivers, parking spaces, wide roads, brands other than Hyundai and Kia.
2. Not waking up with a horrible taste in your mouth. Seriously, it must be in the air here. Unfortunately, no-one here knows what I am talking about, because for them, that's just what mouth tastes like.
3. No huge trucks barreling down the street fumigating, stinking up everything, and leaving a trail of higher cancer risk behind it. It would be funny to see all the little kids chasing after it and laughing at the smoke, if it wasn't so damn wrong.
4. Ovens, electric elements, spices, cheese, 2% and 1% milk, good chocolate.
5. People who you can talk to.
6. Not getting mobbed by tween girls every time you leave the house.
7. Understanding what is happening the other 93% of the time.
8. Used stores. Any used stores, whether for clothes, electronics, furniture, music...
9. Good radio. I miss the CBC so much, and somedays I even wish for the Fox or K-Rock. Even if only to help me finally get a different Three-Doors Down song to keep popping into my head and annoying the hell out of me. Seriously, it sucks. "Here without you Bay-beh!" (I think...)
10. Cake that tastes like cake. Seriously, if I put one more cake into my mouth that tastes like rice, or one more donut that explodes with disgusting black bean paste all over my tongue, I will promptly sew my mouth shut. I just want one piece of devil's food cake, or a brownie... oh man, I'd kill for a brownie. Ask me to kill for a brownie.

Anyways, enjoy your big dinners, and try to make it to the couch and undo your pants button before you fall asleep.

All the best. Happy Thanksgiving.

Pictures, finally

Hey everyone! I have finally gotten the photos from Jessie's camera, and I picked a few of the best ones for the ole blog.

Here they are!

This is some of our little town, with Mount Wolchu (Wolchusan) in the background. This is our view every morning, when it isn't foggy. Pretty nice over a cup of coffee.
This is from our fourth floor balcony. Our apartment building is on the fourth floor of the highest point of land in the city, and it offers some great views.




This is an alley near our first apartment. It's an old road that isn't really accessible to cars. This is where we met the old woman who brought us in to her house and gave us water.


It was really beautiful, and just as secluded and overgrown as it looks.


These mascots were painted outside the police station. It is so goofy.
There were similar mascots near a construction site, with a cute little construction worker bowing as though to say "So sorry for the detour!"



This is a pretty typical scene. Last month it was red peppers, this month it is rice. It's all just spread on tarps to dry and then bagged off and carried to market. Our bank is a farmer's cooperative bank, and they sell this stuff!





This is Jessie with a few students from her school. Note the peace signs. Apparently, it is an inborne Korean reaction to cameras, an irresistable impulse that all Koreans feel.








Okay... more to come shortly!

bored and bitter and looking to vent

So, as I have said before, I am at work today with no work to do.

I have done some planning, but I already have next week planned, so too much planning today will only result in me being just as bored next week.

So here's some more ranting.

The whole life in a fishbowl thing is unbelievable here. You are literally in the public eye all of the time. Imagine that you lived in a town that had one nine-foot-tall guy, who had purple hair. He couldn't get away with much, could he? You can bet he wouldn't be able to pick his nose without anyone noticing. That's kind of what it is like being the only white person in a Korean town, and the surrounding towns. Seriously, have you ever walked across an entire block with a kid staring slackjawed and pointing at you the whole way? Turning his body as you walk by? I am not exaggerating, that actually happened this morning. No word of lie.

In other news, for the first time in my life I have nothing planned. Nothing. At all, if you ignore the lessons, because I'm talking big picture here. I had university after highschool, summer after a school year, a school year after summer (sunrise, sunset), and Korea after university. But now, nothing. At all. I have no idea what I will be doing when this contract is over. I don't even have any long term plans worth writing down right now.

This seems like it should be troubling, and it is a little, but I don't think nearly as much as it should be. I'd always been thinking of teacher's college after this, but now I'm not too sure. There's so much out there, and this seems like somthing I may want to continue doing, so teacher's college right now only appears to be an addition of $100 per month when I (probably) come back here to teach, all of which will go towards paying off debt I'll get paying for it. And teaching here, for one month... I don't know if I want to be a teacher. And if anything, a cushy job like this should have made teaching seem even better. But now I'm more uncertain. I love the teaching part, but... the boredom and excessive planning time in Korea is killing me. Maybe I should buy a gameboy.

Geography? I don't know if that's going to take me anywhere. I loved the classes, and the material was very interesting, but can I see myself returning to school to secure a research or consulting job later? Not really. The classes made it sound very romantic, traipsing through the tundra/forest, various meters in hand, with hiking boots and denim shorts and a plaid cotton shirt rolled up to my elbows. Oh yeah, it would be great. For a few months, and then there would be the actual work of the work, analyzing and making spreadsheets, probably in a basement, if Mac-Corry was any indication.

Teaching geography? That I could get into. I liked talking about it, as most people who knew me would attest. But I don't want to go back to Canada, teach at Scollard Hall... it would kill me. And that sounds too "career"-ish right now. I'm not ready to commit to a curtains, let alone a life-long profession.

Teaching english? The best option so far. Once you get past the mindnumbing boredom brought on by the isolation... thank God Jessie is here. This tiny town has no english, which makes things pretty tough. At least we have eachother to keep sane. She's what brought on this whole train of thought, trying to plan her next year.

Me, I'm just glad to be able to sit back and watch the jack roll in and try to remain worry-free.

It is rapidly becoming clear that the miserable weather today is having an effect on my mood.

Is it bad that the idea of drifting for a year, maybe just working in a bar or something is really, really appealing to me right now? Maybe going to a community college and taking up pottery?

Is anyone else feeling this?

A blog? Yes, a blog.

So, after numerous requests, I have started a blog.

You may have noticed already, that if you are on my e-mailing list, you will have already read the first four posts, which are just recycled e-mails.

This will continue, along with other odd random things that I'll only put in here.

Anyways, continuing in the rant from yesterday's e-mail, I have too much planning time. I am currently at Yeongam Boys' Middle School, which is my home school. I am here on a Friday because the school I usually teach at is having a picnic today. So, there's no calsses there today. So, no need for me.

And so I get sent to my home school. I have not been given any extra classes, so I literally have 8 hours to just sit around today. How much planning should I do, considering that all I will be doing is taking away legitimate things to do during planning time in the future, meaning that more work time will be dedicated to reading the onion or typing e-mails in front of my vice-principal. I teach the same lesson 14 times in a week people!

Also, I have a couple theories as to why the curriculum here is so advanced compared to the students' comprehension level. Maybe they do have more comprehension, but it's only for English spoken with a Korean accent, as their teachers all have (some worse than others, mind you, most of the teachers I work with have little or no accents). Jessie said once that she could say something, and no-one would understand, but when her co-teacher said it with an accent, all the kids would suddenly comprehend what was being said. So maybe that's it...

Another theory is actually Jessie's and probably makes the most sense. Basically, here in Yeongam, there is NO english. None at all. The texts were probably written or approved in the provincial capitol, which is a larger city, and has more english exposure. Thus, the kids actually see a reason to learn it, where as the kids here don't see any use for it.

My last theory is that the teachers who are Korean and speak Korean can better understand the problems the kids will have, and thus they can coach the kids better. Like in OAC calculus, where the teacher would keep coaxing you until you said cosine, and then be satisfied that you knew what you were doing. Well, I didn't know what I was doing Mr. Williamson! I just read a word off the board and got lucky!

Anyways, It's easy to teach a compound sentence if you can explain in their native tongue why they should say it and what each word means. I, on the other hand, have to struggle to get sentences out of them like "Bill is smiling.". Also, just because they can memorize a word order doesn't mean they understand what it means, which apparently is very difficult to comprehend.

It's raining today, and I got wet on the way to school, and I felt incredibly refreshed.

Have a wonderful day everyone. Happy Thanksgiving.

(This post may not contain Harry Potter & the half-blood prince spoilers) - Oct 6

Here it is again, a huge list of strange happenings.

Life is moving slow here now. The second stage of culture shock is beginning. "What is the second stage?", you might ask. Bitterness. The second stage is bitterness.

No more "Oh wow, everything is in Korean! How cute!" Or "Hey that kid always says 'Nice to meet you', everytime he sees me, without fail! How cute!". These have been replaced with "Please God, I will kill for a picture menu" and "How about you use one of the other fifteen phrases I have tried to teach you, for the love of GOD! I KNOW it is nice to meet me, believe me, you have made that abundantly clear. Now, if you don't say 'Nice to see you again' next time you see me, I will punch you in the face." They typically smile and nod, because they don't understand any english other than "Nice to meet you", and even that, they don't understand, they just saw it made me smile on the first day.

It's not all frustration and threats of violence, of course. There has been bills too! Yeah, the free ride is over. Time to pay the uitilities. They're not bad, but I had gotten so wrapped up in the idea of receiving money I forgot I would have to give some of it away again.

It's going to sound really bad, but I was surprised at just how detached culturally the people here are from anything in the west. It seems like our pop culture has only existed here for a few years. ie, they think that Britney Spears and Brad Pitt are all anyone knows about, and they have really no knowledge of anything before about ten years ago... I guess that's pretty fair, because I learned most of what I know about Korea reading my Lonley Planet guide on the plane as we cruised over the Pacifiic. For someone like me, it's a little torturous when they see me listening to music, and ask what I'm listening to. I'm on a motown kick right now, and it's tough to explain why I like Marvin Gaye to someone who thinks Nick Lachey is God's own personal gift to songcraft. The bottom line is, they know about mainstream western culture, but only the ultra-modern, and the ultra-popular. They aren't interested in anything old. I don't know, as horrible as it sounds, I just kind of took it for granted, I guess, that "worldwide superstar" actually meant that, but I guess it's kind of a lie on the scale of "Miss Universe".

I managed to pick up a used cell phone. I was told that it was a miracle. And from what I have seen, it is very very hard to get anything used here. People don't seem to want it, and when I asked my coteacher about used bikes, furniture and phones, she said that she didn't know, because nobody here would want it! And on a few of my walks, I have come across real treasures, beautiful furniture and bags and bags of clothes and bedding, just put out on the curb as trash. I didn't take any bedding or anything, that would be weird unwashed and all... but it looked brand new! I couldn't believe it!
Anyways, the cell phone was a bit of an adventure. We went in, and I said I wanted a plain phone, with no extra features, and as cheap as possible. The first phone I was shown was \250 000 (~$280), which I laughed at. Then, she clued in to me being serous about cheap, and showed me a \190 000 phone (~$210), and I said I didn't need one that bad, and was about to leave, when she dove behind the counter and screamed (or maybe just said loudly) "Youst Andapone??!". I realized she meant "Used handphone??!" (God bless her for trying, seriously!) and bought it for only \50 000. I was so proud.

More bitterness arises out of the expectations being placed upon us by our coteachers. Not so much for me, I have been given total freedom in my planning at two schools, and only follow the curriculum at the third. Jessie faces this problem every day, so I'll join in on this rant, although, it is really only about 18% my frustration being expressed.

Basically, the kids here know NOTHING. Nothing at all. They have such a low base, it is unbelievable. I have more Korean knowledge after one month than some of these kids have in English after 9 years. They know how to smile and nod, but that is about the extent of it. The curriculum that is being taught is conversations and dialogues that are WAY beyond their level of comprehension. They should be getting taught how to say "the", how to read "the" and the letters of "the" alphabet. But, no, Jessie is stuck teaching them dialogues about ATMs, and I am teaching them a dialogue about a class planning a musical. Wow! useful! And Jessie, instead of being able to work around what is being taught and bring in useful things as well, is forced to test them on how well they can memorize the dialogues, but not on their comprehension. ugh.

Back to me - I work nine to five every day, but I only teach 20 hours of class a week. I have about 20 hours to plan, which is ridiculous. I mostly read. Seriously, I can't believe Hermione died. Anyways, that would normally be a suitable amount of time to plan, but in my case it is not. I will explain. As I said, the kids are at a really low level. I teach the same lessons to grade 1-3 at middle school. Because they all stand to gain approximately the same amount from it. So, for 14 of my 20 class hours a week, I teach the same lesson. 14 times. It only takes me about 20 minutes to plan a lesson, and about 40 minutes to get the materials ready. And they are good materials! At the school where I teach the curriculum, I teach the same lesson 4-6 times, depending on the week. So basically, that's between 16 and 18 hours to sit around and read. I spend a lot of time on the internet, and I read. Seriously, I can't believe the grail was in the Louvre.

Anyways, I am a little bitter right now, but all in all, I'm great. A few things are driving me crazy, but I'm actually really happy. Last night, I was the happiest I'd been since the night before, which was the happiest I'd been in a really long time. We bought dwarf hamsters on Monday, and they are just too cute to believe. And fun, except when they run up your sleeves and poop. Even that is fun, as long as you don't shake it out into your dinner. And, the weather has finally broken. It's only about 23 degrees here during the hottest part of the afternoon, and it goes to 13-15 degrees at night, which is just cool enough to make getting out of bed hard, but not cool enough to make us want to shut the windows. And we bought a shower curtain, which has done a remarkable amount to make our apartment feel more like home to me, and also to keep the bathroom floor dry.

Also, I've done so much great reading. Seriously, I can't believe Harry's father wasn't really dead.

I have a pink shirt now. It looks great on me.

Well, it's about time to wrap this up. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone, I will miss it a lot. I've been walking around singing "Autumn's Here" by Hawksley Workman (If you don't have it, download it), and thinking about driving to the Ottawa Valley, Aunt Diane's hash-brown casserole, and playing guitar with seven other people. I hope that everyone has a peaceful, non-argumentative holiday weekend (hey, big family events, it happens) and manages to squeeze one extra piece of delicious butterscotch/pumpkin/apple pie into their mouths and one more of Aunt Marguerite's buns into their purse. I'll be thinking of you on Monday as I'm teaching classrooms full of Korean girls who are (somehow) infatuated to distraction. Seriously, they love the white skin. I'm not bragging, I'm pretty sure it could be any white skin. Also blue eyes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Send me pictures of you celebrating with family to use in class! Also, any other pictures (no nudies, please, unless you have received a personal request).

In the immortal words of a student who LITERALLY just left the english lab:

"Lycos my e-mail makes angry!"

Okay.........

Bye!

great day, great week, great life - Sept 26

Hello again!

So, it's been over a week.

Last weekend, it was Chu-sok, which I may be spelling wrong. Bascally, it is Korean Thanksgiving. That means I had time off, and so did Jessie. We did what anyone would do if they were visiting a foreign country during a HUGE national holiday. We sought out other foreigners.

Yes, we went to Seoul to see Steve (for those of you who don't know, and old friend of mine from high school) and his girlfriend Crystal. They have a wonderful little loft apartment, and they live in a Seoul outskirt called Bucheon. Getting there may be half the fun, but for us, it was half the story.

We were every bit the conscientious travellers, tickets purchased well in advance, field notes ready with translations of "Please take me to the bus station" ready for cab-drivers. Well, we arived at the bus station in time, we thought. Of course, we were being very stupid, because we assumed that a bus would be waiting for us. It wasn't. We went from being early to being late with one easy wait. We arrived at the Naju bus station with eleven minutes to get to the train station. I had my note ready, with a ticket ready to show to convey our sense of urgency... and I dropped it. apparently. Halfway there, I asked Jessie if she had her ticket, because I had only one. She didn't. I freaked. I flailed around in the cab like a dog chasing it's tail trying to find the ticket. But, it was nowhere. Or, more likely, lying next to where the cab had been parked. Anyways, it all seemed pretty hopeless. We probably wouldn't make the train, and we only had one ticket anyways. We were goign to try, and then try to explain our situation if the need arose. We ran into the station, which was empty enough to be discouraging. We ran through a turnstile (not realizing we were supposed to have swiped our tickets), and got onto the train about twenty seconds before the doors closed behind us. We were so lucky!

Luckily for Jessie, she possesses the magical ability fall asleep on command. I, do not. I did, once, when I was a younger lad, but now I just have to count away the minutes. I am especially bad at falling asleep when I am worried sick, which I was. My stomach was turning with all the possible scenarios that awaited us when a steward came to check tickets/police were waiting for us in Seoul. Well, no ticket collector came, which worked out well for me, but there was still the second turnstile as we got off the train. It was busy, so there was no way we could run through it without swiping... and my mind was racing with possible scenarios that awaited us as we set off countless alarms, two non-Korean speaking foreigners with one ticket. You know the scene in twelve monkeys, where Bruce Willis is running through the airport check-in area with a Hawaiian T-shirt and fake moustache and a wig, and he gets shot in the back with a young Bruce Willis looking on, unknowingly witnessing his own execution? That was the scenario I affectionately called "worst case".

Anyways, to the left of the turnstiles, there was a big area, with no ticket-swiping slot, and very few people. We made a break for it. We passed thorugh. There were no angry calls from behind, no people chasing us, and no six-year-old Matthew with his Brown sweater with the dog face on it witnessing me getting shot in the back. Somehow, we had basically stolen two train rides. True, we had one ticket, and had paid for two, but at no time was that ever questioned. I still can't believe that nothing worse happened, and I haven't slept in a week.

Other highlights included:

A trip to the national palace museum on the busiest day of the year. If you like kicking heels and having your heels kicked, I highly recommend it! Also, Jessie dropped a pamphlet into the main palace building, so maybe you can save yourselves a trip to the gift shop!

Going to the market in Seoul, a place that should have literally been a sea of heads (okay, not literally, unless you mean fish heads), on a holiday which sees Seoul empty out, ie, it was all closed and no-one was there. But I got a cool shirt!

Getting to vent about Korean craziness to sympathetic ears without having to worry about offending anyone, thank god, I was about to explode!

Drinking too much Hite and going to a DVD-bang, the greatest invention since the BYID card. Basically, it's a private theatre for you and three or four friends.

And the wildest coincidence in history: I ran into a student who was in my english-conversation group at Queen's. That's right. One of the three Korean people I knew before coming to Korea.

This is getting too long, so I will continue the highlight format for the remainder:

Wicked teacher workshop, spent talking about Chusok, and how much work it is for women in old-fashioned families, where the wife of the oldest son is expected to prepare for the whole family. Guess who was the wife of the oldest son in my group? The teacher who has two other jobs! Man, she could not buy a break. But she's saving up! She has three jobs! Basically, hearing about Korean Thanksgiving is the first thing so far that has made me homesick (Sorry mom and dad, I think I have an emotional deficiency in that regard). I'm really going to miss Thanksgiving in the Ottawa Valley...

Eating popsicles three or fours times a day. Basically, it's the only way to get cool without air-conditioning, and the only way to get chocolate of any quality.

After four weeks of Sunday-night pizzas, finally learning to ask that they not put corn on it. (Aniyo oksusu!)

Eating the hottest wings of my life, almost stamping a hole in the floor, and crying like a little girl.

Hearing 40 13-year-old-girls sing "Hit me baby, one more time" as a pronunciation exercise.

KILLING my co-teacher at Scrabble in front of his class, in spite of my best efforts to not embarass him, and literally HATING every minute of it. Seriously, you just can't do that in a country that values saving face! I don't know how I will crawl out of that hole...but it was inevitable when our three letter words stacked up like "eat" (3 points) and "hex" (32 points with triple letter score).

Playing pingpong after class with the Boys' school president, getting KILLED.

Taking my first run in years, and wishing I could cut my legs off afterwards. Also, looking like a jackass with my ipod while running. Just like Jennifer Aniston (Damn you and your tabloids mom).

Anyways, more to come...

And I'm thirteen hours ahead of you all there in Southern Ontario, just so you know.

Little Korean stalkers saved me from littler Korean stalkers - Sept 15

Yesterday, on the way home from school I turned to find two little girls were following me. They were probably only 10 or 11, and laughed everytime I turned around, but pretended not to be noticing, or not following me.

Anyways... After about ten minutes, there was no doubt that I was officially being tailed. It's nothing new, I usually have a trail of children following me, but I always just assume it's the halo that they're seeing, that they're chasing.

The big difference is, most times, kids make it really obvious that they are following me. There is usually no doubt, because they constantly yell "HI!" or "Nice to meet you!" or "I'm hungry!" over and over again. But these girls were trying not to be noticed, desperately. A few times I turned and told them "I don't think you should follow me", but then I remembered. "Oh yeah, they don't speak no english. Her-hyuk."

Anyways, I was headed for the grocery store, so I thought I would have some fun. I weaved in and out of aisles to try to lose them, and doubled back so I was behind them. It was actually a lot of fun! They caught on that I knew, so they made no more attempts to hide their stalking, and for a few minutes, I was that cool adult that joins in the road hockey game with the neighbourhood brats.

But then... well, it got old. I wanted to go home. And I didn't want them to follow me home (although, it's pretty futile. They ALL know where I live. I usually hear my apartment building's name and my apartment number whispered as I walk into a new class... sigh... small town).
I walked up alleys, took fast corners, ducked through stores. They didn't understand... the game was not on, and I was revving my SUV, so they had better clear the nets... Anyways, I finally gave up, and just sat down on a bench, figuring that would signal my defeat, and they would move on. Nope, they just hid behind a car accross the street.

So, I got up, defeated, and prepared myself to have snickering girls follow me right up to the point where I was sliding my key into the door.

As I rounded a corner, my salvation was there, in the form of Korean tween girls! My middle school students! They'll know what to do! As soon as they saw me, I was mobbed, and the stalking torch was passed. The little girls were too embarassed to continue, and they disbanded! success!

Fortunately, middle school girls can take a hint, and after they told me that their favourite pop group singers were very very handsome, and then reassured me that I was handsome too (apparently, I needed the reassurance), they set off for some kim-bap (sushi).

Anyways... that's what my daily life is like here.

Hope you are all keeping busy and having fun.

first update - Sept 6, 2005

Hey all! I am in Korea!

So, I have been in Yongam city since last Friday (August 26th). Jessie and I have both got teaching jobs here, which is really exciting, and this is our second day at school. I have yet to actually teach... but I think that is coming! I've just had quick question and answer periods. Mostly, they know how to tell me I am handsome, apparently. haha!

The town is really amazing. It is about 60 000 people, but it is a lot smaller in size than North Bay. There are a few high rises, but mostly small apartments. The people are super nice. I can't believe it! The head of the PTA, Kang Kyong-Hee has been helping us so much. Mostly, we call her "Shemon Mahdar", or Simon's mother. Simon is in my class. She has helped us go grocery shopping and taught us how to live in Korea. She's an authority, as she picked out most of our stuff. She checks on us about twice a day, and insists that I call her twice a day... once I figure out how to tell her that I don't think it's necessary, I'll stop.

It is beautiful here. We can walk to the foot of mountains in about half an hour. There is a national park here, and everyone seems pretty excited to go hiking with us. Sure, the conversation isn't great, but what we can't say, we can make up for by eating their food with great appreciation. It's a farming town, which isn't as rural as it sounds. Within 100 feet of all the shops and supermarkets, there are red peppers being dried on unused stretches of paved street, and rice patties (paddies? I don't know... rice fields!) in vacant lots. There are huge fields nearby, but I am literally blown away by how much city space is used for agriculutre.

On Sunday, Jessie and I took a walk to explore the town. We passed this very old woman, and she smiled and laughed, which was really nice. Anways, on the way back home, she passed us again, and hugged both of us. Then, she took our hands and led us back to her little house, where she sat us on the porch, and went in to get us each some water. Then she sat with us and talked, while we shrugged and smiled, because we understood nothing. Then, she started cleaning, so we figured it was time to go. We said "Kamsa Hamneida" (Thank you), and she laughed, and we bowed our way out of there. It was really nice. She seemed very very friendly, so much so I didn't even mind the cats and dogs that were caged with the chickens and other meat livestock. (Trust me, it's not that bad, no worse than eating a cow!)

The food here is amazing, but it can be spicy. Basically, it is rude to wipe your nose at the table, so I am in trouble. That, combined with the humidity, which is nearly unbearable here, have made me the grossest, sweatiest, snottiest man you will ever eat with in Korea. We've eaten out a few times, which is always an adventure. But, it's a very small town, so everybody knows the white people don't know Korean, and they are pretty patient with us.

So, I started this last week, and now I am going to finish it by updating with all fo the juicy details and turns of events that have happened. (September 6, 2005)

Kang Kyong-Hee turned out to not be such a blessing. She was over every day, and sometimes we would not be able to do anything for ourselves because she would do everything for us! It was super annoying, and Jessie and I both really started to resent her. So, we wrote a letter to her (which my coteacher translated) explaining that we were really grateful, but that we needed more time to ourselves! WAY more time to ourselves! Anyways, we think she took it the wrong way, but now we're going out to dinner on Friday, so I guess we are friends again now. But we're definitely going to try to define some boudnaries this time around!

Also, although I didn't mention it in the first e-mail, our apartment when we got here was AMAZING. It was seriously, a dream home, and we were very very happy with it. It had nice laminate flooring that actually looked like wood, two enclosed balconies, three bedrooms and two bathrooms. We lived there for four days.

On Monday, we were informed that we would have to move. The owner was apparently going bankrupt, and the school stood to lose money on the apartment if we stayed. So, we would have to move. Jessie had a long commute to where she worked, so moving there didn't seem like a bad idea, since we would be closer to the bus station, and the commute would be easier for me. BUT, Mrs. Kang stepped in again. Apparently, we were very valuable to Yongam, so she wanted us to stay, and she fought tooth and nail to make sure that Jessie and I would be staying in Yongam. Now, we live in a much less magnificent apartment, and we are a LOT farther from the bus staion, which means very early mornings for Jessie. Also, when Mrs Kang started to get on our nerves, Yongam seemed a lot less inviting.

But, we're here now, and we have to get used to it. We're trying to stay on the good side of Mrs Kang, because she is the head of the PTA here. Also, the new apartment isn't exactly a dump, it is only bad in comparison to our other options. It's actually pretty nice. We have a spare room, and a decent sized living area. We don't have a western style shower, or Korean-style shower... but some weird mix of both. Basically, it's a shower without a curtain, which is SUPER annoying.
So, this is my first week of actual teaching. Last week I introduced myself to a few classes at the boy's school, but no actual teaching, just a lot of planning time. This week, I start my real job. That means teaching at a girl's middle school on Monday and Tuesday, the boy's middle school on Wednesday and Thursday, and an elemantary school on Friday. The girl's school is very very interesting, because I am basically the biggest celebrity ever here. They follow me around in the halls, and laugh every time they speak to me, and every time I speak to them. Yesterday, I was in my office (the school's AV room, of all places) and about thirty 13 year old Korean girls all piled in around me, hanging on my every word, and occasionally getting brave enough to ask me a question about Canada, about myself, or to tell me that I am handsome. So, that was alright.

But now it's getting a little weird. In class today, as they left, my first years (think grade seven) all tried to grab/touch me as they left the classroom. That was a little much. I don't mean grab/touch THERE... but it still wasn't the most comfortable thing. And they mob me in the hallway, and just generally are annoying. Hopefully the new guy thing will wear off soon, and they will remember that teachers shouldn't be treated like this...

The teaching thing is also weird. I have no teaching experience or training, but I am expected to run two seminars a week for English Teachers. I am teaching teachers how to teach english. My qualifications? I speak english. That's it. It's a little surreal. Lesson planning needs some work for me, but I'm doing alright. I'm basically planning classes the same way I planned floor events as a don. Only this time, people are coming.

Anyways, I should go get warmed up for class, which starts in about twenty minutes. It's the first class, so it's basically introductions, then a little "do you like" which is a game Jessie made up... kids get points for guessing things that I like! Then, for a bonus round, it becomes "do you hate?" and... well, you can probably guess how that goes.

I hope that everyone is doing well. I promise that future e-mails will be shorter, this is just the first two weeks of ups and downs! It has been eventful! Let me know what's going on with you, and how life is treating you.